“Couples find over time the romance can fade and even the best relationships can struggle a bit,” said Kristina Gordon, professor of psychology and director of RelationshipRx, a project seeking to make it easier for couples to take good care of their relationship health.

According to those at RelationshipRx, there are some easy steps people can take to build more intimacy and strengthen their relationships on a daily basis.

1. Take a Trip Down Memory Lane: Reminisce on how you first got together.

“With all the different stressors and issues couples face, it is easy to forget what brought you together in the first place,” said Gordon. “What attracted you to your partner? What were your first impressions of each other?”

Gordon says remembering these times can easily rekindle those initial loving feelings.

2. Learn to Listen: According Gordon, it is important to listen to your partner completely and non-judgmentally.

“Many people get caught up in trying to think of their response rather than listening,” she said. “Make sure to avoid that trap. Couples who are skilled at providing each other with social support have been shown to be healthier and happier than less skilled couples.”

3. Draw Love Maps: Couples research shows partners can feel closer and more intimate by taking as little as five extra minutes a day to create something called “love maps,” said Gordon.

“At the beginning of the day, share what your day will be like,” said Gordon. “This way, during the day, you can think about your partner and appreciate what his or her day must be like.”

At the end of the day, partners should share and listen closely to how each other’s day went.

4. Show Support: Identify two small things that each of you can do to provide support when the other is having a difficult day, such as doing the dishes or allowing your partner to vent.

“Research has shown that partners who can support each other around shared challenges can actually experience increased intimacy in their relationship,” said Audrey Kasting, Relationship Rx facilitator and counseling graduate student.

5. Play to Your Strengths. The experts say every couple is good at something.

“Find your strengths and use them to your advantage to help you deal with stress and other issues easier,” said Gordon.

Common strengths include:

• Friendships: Couples research has found that the quality of a couple’s friendship is one of the strongest predictors of relationship well-being.
• Acceptance: The healthiest couples have found ways to cope well with each other’s quirks and to accept each other for the “natural flaws in the fabric.”
• Commitment: Couples research has consistently found a strong association between shared commitment and relationship health and stability.

For more information on RelationshipRx, visit the website.

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C O N T A C T :

Kristina Gordon (865-974-3347, kgordon1@utk.edu)

Whitney Heins (865-974-5460, wheins@utk.edu)

A study by Kristina Gordon, associate professor of psychology at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville, seeks to determine if periodic check-ups can keep relationships strong and healthy for a lifetime by increasing intimacy, improving communication, and promoting greater acceptance of each partner, among other outcomes.

Called the “Relationship Rx,” the three-year project launching this month seeks to make it easier for couples to take good care of their relationship health. Gordon is collaborating with Clark University’s James Cordova, who developed the Marriage Checkup, a scientific program for sustaining and strengthening marital health.

Here is how it works: Patients learn about the importance of relationship health at their doctor’s visit from his or her health care provider or pamphlet. Then, if the patient and his or her partner are interested in assessing their relationship health, one assessment session and one feedback session are held in the couple’s home or doctor’s office with a trained relationship health professional. Couples also will be offered the chance to participate in ongoing relationship skills workshops and workshops designed to help individuals with job searches.

About 500 couples are being recruited for this study.

“This project will use motivational interviewing principles to help couples use their strengths to address the areas of concern in their relationships and make their relationships stronger,” said Gordon. “The goal is to help couples use their own resources to improve their marriages, reduce the stigma of seeking help for their relationships, and connect partners with community resources to help them deal with identified problems.”

The researchers predict in the short term, couples will improve their financial outlook, intimacy, and communication. In the long term, they predict couples will improve overall relationship health and satisfaction, and experience a lowered risk of divorce, fewer reports of domestic violence, increased financial stability, better parenting outcomes, and better attitudes towards seeking relationship help.

“By working with couples before they are unhappy, we hope the program identifies potentially damaging relationship issues and helps couples make small changes in their relationships before problems spiral out of control,” said Gordon.

The Relationship Rx is not therapy but an informational health service that provides confidential, personalized feedback designed to help couples keep their relationship on track.

The service will be offered for free to existing patients at Cherokee Health Systems and to other interested couples who qualify as part of a clinical study funded by the Administration for Children and Families (ACF). ACF is within the Department of Health and Human Services, which is responsible for federal programs that promote the economic and social well-being of families, children, individuals, and communities. This program is also available to other interested couples in the community who qualify.

If you are interested in participating or learning more about this study, please call 865-974-8978 or visit RelationshipRx.utk.edu.

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C O N T A C T :

Whitney Heins (865-974-5460, wheins@utk.edu)